Sunday, July 7, 2013

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To Changing From SmartBro To Globe Tattoo

I have been a SmartBro subscriber, I think, since 2007, but my wife is telling me that we've been on it much earlier than that. Recon 2007, I've been a subscriber for more than 6years now. I have my up and downs with my relationship withSmart. There was such a time when they are billing me a humungous sum of money, which I've refused to pay. Which ends out I winning and paying a very minimal amount for it. There is a secret engridient in there. I sent out a letter to them including a CD documenting why I should not be paying the large claim.

Since then I have enjoyed Smart's service, they have even upgraded their 1Mbps plan to 2Mbps. I could play all my online games with no fuzz or whatever, there were a few occassions that I could not get any signal, but that's it. Left4Dead 1 and 2, Battlefield 3, and many bandwidth demanding games run flawlessly with the SmartBro for the last couple of years. 

But then, Smart was acquired by PLDT, and there goes my connection. The connection of 2Mbps goes down to 1Mbps and then comes in trickle and many times it flatlines, dead and useless. Then some telemarketer from Smart told me that I am elligible for a reduced billing of Php 799 if I ever renew my contract. Told them no, though I would renew the contract if they somehow offers a higher speed, all the while contemplating that I will switch to Digitel, since our landline is Digitel. But lo and behold, darn Digitel was also acquired by PLDT. Darn and double darn, I have no more option.

Okay now. A few months ago, that thing that connects the canopy and the computer and power source just went dead. Contacted Smartbro and they said they'll replace it, there is no connection from their end to our end so they surmise it is either the canopy or the connecti-thing. Technicians comes, I am not at home only my son. They did their magic. There is now a connection, as my son told me so. Went home, wait till 7:00 P.M. to play Battlefield 3, could not join, could not even connect to the internet. Called *1888 to complain. The guy told me that there is nothing wrong with my connection, I told yes there is. He told me to do the usual stuff like turn off the connecti-thing. unplug the connection. Did that. Nothing no connection. He insisted that there is nothing wrong, and it goes on and on and on. Then he told me about FUP and that I should visit that site: I told him from the Nth time, I cannot connect. Then as if by magic, there. I have a connection. So look for FUP, and it turns out its a subtle way of saying, they are capping my bandwidth.

It is time to go apeshit. And I did. Told him that the connection is comatose and they are capping it more. On early May, I again complained about it. So this guy who is the same guy I talked to a few weeks ago, turned on the pre-programmed "What To Say" routine. Told him you have so much excuses and yet you are offering no solution. I told him that I will drag that canopy and the wires and drag them all the way to Smart SM Clark Branch while laughing like a Hyena gone loco.

A few screenshots to verify the rotting dead zombie connection by SmartBro

Slower than a crawling fart

My fart is faster than this...

Out of rage, I went to Globe Tel. Marquee Mall to inquire about their Tattoo Plan. Got my eye on a Prepaid USB Kit, and ask if that thing really gives 7.2Mbps connection where I live. The guy told me he ain't sure and asked if I knew somebody from Magalang who use the thing. Ohhh. Said I don't, while deeply inside me I was saying why don't you guys from Globe go to Magalang with that dongle and a notebook and try it out for your self then tell anyone who inquires what the result of your little experiment, instead of that question answered with a question.

Since he ain't sure, he offered me DSL and WiMax. I don't care if DSL or Wimax, I just want a connection of at least 2Mbps. And so he gave me this application paper to fill up. Wen't home, tried to find out which is more to my advantage.

At our union office, I have applied for a DSL Plan 1599 which offers 3Mbps. The application was acknowledge. But then somebody called me that DSL is not available at our area. Asked what's my option, he said I could go for wimax, so I did told him to update my application and he did.

A few days later I was told that they could only offer me Wimax Plan 1299 with 2 Mbps, I said go. So the installer came at home while I was not there, and then called me to say, that they could only install Plan 1099 with only 1Mbps but comes with a telephone. Told the dude, my target is 2Mbps not 1Mbps. I don't even care about the free phone. "2Mbps can't you spell that" I told him. He said he could do 2Mbps WITHOUT the phone. I said go. He said he can't, he have to update the application. Fine, fine, take your time.

A week later, a dude called and that they are ready to install, I asked him to install the wimax plan 1299 WITHOUT the phone on Saturday. He said, Ok. Called the installer, he said OK. Saturday came, I waited. Nobody came. Installer called he said, he'll install it on Sunday. Sunday came, night came but no installer came. Monday somebody called said they install it on Tuesday. Tuesday, I went into leave, the phantom installer never came. I gave up. I called the Globe teleguy and told him, I am not interested anymore. Don't want anything from Globe anymore. He apologized for their non-existing services. And I want to go to that guy and hug him tightly until his eyes popped out and bleed through his ears. End of story? Not yet, there's more.

On Thursday another installer called and asked if I was at home. Said they are now at Sta. Cruz, Magalang and will be installing wimax in the afternoon. I was about to say I am at home with two Two-Barelled Shotgun and will shoot at anyone who holds anything that looks like this...

But then my two hearts beats love and told him that it's ok. My wife is at her store but she'll get home just for you. So they came. Installed it. Asked my wife to go to just to check out if were having the much coveted 2Mbps. She did and it turns out just 500Kbps. My wife handed here phone to the installer and he told me that the speed will be updated when I pay Php 1299 and after receiving confirmation from Globe Telecom. Said that it is OK. Then he told that I should pay them Php 1599 as an installation fee. I said my wife don't have that cash and asked them to meet me at Mabalacat just to pay them. I will go on 2 hour leave to pay them. Ok and Ok.

Then my wife called me, told me that she signed a contract but it is only for 1MBPS!!! I went up in flames so fierce that the remaining Fantastic Three could not restrain me!!!

Mr. Fantastic, this is my fight alone.

I wish I was at home that day with REAL 2 Two-Barreled Shotgun. Told the installer that they better full out that filthy thing off our home and never to come back.  We have agreed that you will install 2 pakin MBPS not 1 double pakin MBPS and you are trying to do this by deception. Pakin sheet you.

So here I am with a Lemon of a connection. Moral: A Smartbro lemon is much sweeter than a Lemon Seed (Globe Tattoo).

Dudes and dudettes which service do you have, SmartBro or Globe Tattoo?


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